Stupidity: Nonsensical Tales of the Citizens of Paris
by Sakura Marie
Summary: Just because everyone is a little older does not mean everyone is a little bit wiser.
1. Table of Contents

This is a collection of crack stories. Here is the table of contents This will be updated as I continue on this series.

**p.2: Man vs Kwami **  
Plagg learned how to mess with Siri. He should use this knowledge wisely... but where is the fun in that?

**p.3 ****Nino, Supplier Extraordinaire **

Adrien rebels against his father in the most delicious way and Nino doesn't know if he regrets his decision to help.

**p.4 #LadybugShrine**

When a hacking group gets access to Adrien Agreste's instagram, Gabriel doesn't handle it well.

Now Nathalie has to reclaim Adrien's account and even worse clean up Gabriel's mess.

There is not enough coffee she can drink to make things better.

**p.5 ****Biological Warfare (COMING SOON)**

Gabriel Agreste never gets sick... or so he thinks. Adrien isn't the only Agreste in the household with a flair for dramatics and all Nooroo does is enjoy the show.


	2. Man vs Kwami

Gabriel Agreste would like to tell people he was not a vain man, there was no need to be vain. His work spoke for itself.

He didn't NEED to look for himself on the internet. He didn't need to google himself online to see what people said about him. If something that would hurt his brand was said, well he had Nathalie to come and fix it. He paid people to obsessively google his name every few hours ... on a slow day.

Hawkmoth on the other hand ... that was a different story .

* * *

Siiri's robotic voice took a minute to respond but when she did, it was not the answer Gabriel Agreste wanted .

Did you mean Hawkbutt ?

Gabriel twitched, HAWKBUTT ?! of all the undignified monikers he could be given... It was Hawkbutt?! Who gave him that name? He will akumatise them and make them hideous!"

Siri's lack of awareness or ability to tell others about his undignified behavior drew his ire. He calmly and clearly enunciated his words so she had no reasonable way to mess up.

" No Siri, I want information on Hawk Moth. " He made sure to saw the words slowly and spaced out all words, just for her

"Ok!" her cheery robotic voice answered back "Now searching for websites that sell moth balls"

Gabriel was aghast " No! Siri Hawkmoth! I want Hawkmoth!"

" Looking for Hot Mamas on Craiglist France"

Gabriel sputtered with a rather small but undignified shriek "What?! Absolutely not! I would never look on such a dreadful page! I am a married man!" He quickly clicked out of the questionable site and cleared his history, one must never know about this.

* * *

Plagg cackled, Gabriel's rage and frustration was delicious.

Serves the old man right. He may not be able to do anything more than mess with his electronics but boy did he feel great. Adrien and Sugercube might try and take the "high road" but unluckily for Gabriel... he was neither of them. Now that Plagg learned how to reprogram Siri a bit he could cause a special brand of punishment to Gabriel Agreste.

No one ever said he couldn't punish him... he just couldn't get caught. Which was simple enough

It was a bit odd how Gabriel seemed so focused on Hawkmoth though. Like who other than the heroes even wanted to know anything about him.

Oh well it wasn't important at the moment. There was chaos to be had.

Gabriel grumbles in an annoyed tone and in the most regal way he could stomps off to his bathroom. A long bath was in order. He activated the electric music system in the bathroom ready to listin to some relaxing classical music as he soaked.

"How hard is it for Siri to look for Hawk Moth... " he mumbles

"NOW PLAYING THE HUDSON HAWK SOUNDTRACK!" Siri blares extremely loud taking a couple years off his life

"Dangit Siri!" He mumbles as he tells her to stop. Maybe he will not play music this shower after all.

* * *

Nooroo watched quietly as Gabriel monologues about defeating Ladybug and Chat Noir. He stopped when the "beep" of Siri "hearing him went off and her robotic voice merrily asked

"Did you mean HawkNoir?!:

Gabriel is beyond confused and Nooroo just looked over his shoulder as his curiosity let him to click the first link on the page.

He regretted clicking the first link provided.

Oh dear lord! Parisians were sick people. He was a married , and such a relationship is with the leather clad hero was sickening. He may have little morals but being inappropriate with a mere child was disgusting. People called him messed up but at least he wasn't the worst! He was only a domestic terrorist hellbent on bringing back his wife from a magical coma. Not so bad!

He cleared his search again, his iPhone will never be clean again. When did Siri become so vulgar.

He never heard the snickering of a chaotic Kwamii. 

* * *

After Plagg had his fun for the day he went to Adrien's room again. Finally the little liar had left Adrien alone. Her constant calls and Adrien's attempts to be polite to her was a nuisance. Her voice was so whiney and annoying, that is why he left to harass Gabriel to bwgin with. He casually flew to his cheese stash and grabs a nice thick slice. He makes himself comfy

" Hey kid... I think your dad has a thing for Hawkbutt" he mentioned lazily as if he was stating the sky was blue.

Adrien turned so fast he fell out of char

"WHAT?!"

Plagg stuffed the whole wedge into his mouth and swallowed. He still had a look of indifference but he was keenly aware of the panic coming from his charge.

He wondered if he played his cards right...

"Yea... he was obsessively searching for Hawkmoth ~" he emphasized the word obsessively and made that y pop. He watched on in amusement as he saw the color drain from the boys face.

"Oh no... my dad... is an evil fanboy!"

Plagg snorted " And what do we know about those? "

Adrien thought of his crazy fans and paled

"Plagg! I have to put an end to this affair!"

He bolts out of the room. Plagg followed snickering

" Here we go~"

* * *

Adrien burst into his father study. Nathalie stopped her work, Gabriel looked annoyed at his son's intrusion. He had been talking to Arthur, Adrien's driver on some new things he wanted when it came to Adrien's care.

Adrien took a deep breath and blurted "Father, I want you to know that I love and accept you for who you are. It's okay that you're Bi. But please for the love of God don't date Hawkmoth! I'd be fine with having two dads, but please don't make one of them a super villain"

The reaction was instant.

Nathalie nearly dropped her tablet as Gorilla looked shocked for a second.

Gabriel looked like he just stepped into the bad ending of a visual novel conversation. How could he say anything... WHERE DID ADRIEN EVEN COME UP WITH THE SUGGESTION ?!

As Gabriel stood there internally screaming, Adrien ran out like the floor had opened up and the devil himself was after him.

Nathalie tried to recompose her self but the second she saw the unfiltered face of internally screaming Gabriel Agreste she tried so hard not to laugh.

It wasn't professional of her to laugh, but the expression ... it was a thing of pure hilarity.

Adrien's driver was lucky. He didn't need to be there after getting his orders and quickly power walked out of there.

Lucky man, he could laugh in peace.


	3. Nino, Supplier Extraordinaire

Nino was at a loss.

How he ended up in this situation was beyond him .Well he did know if he was being honest with himself and he was going to blame his parents. They planted the seed of this whole "illegal" affair as Adrien gushed many times before.

Still, being Adrien's supplier had its perks. It made his best bro happy and drove his father batty. According to Adrien, Gabriel found the last few remnants of his stash of the cheap contraband and the rant of the dangers of "frozen cheap American garbage" was so funny it was worth the trouble.

Oh to be a fly on the wall during the whole the thing. These two things made the theatrics that Adrien made him do somewhat worth it.

But only somewhat cause dangit he had SOME pride!

The over sized black coat Adrien forced him to wear felt so hot and heavy as he hid in an abandoned hallway after school. He did his best to keep the jacket closed and the family size boxes balanced when Adrien stealthily made his way to Nino's side

"Ya got da goods" he asked in his best initiation of a stereotypical New York gangster accent. He had recently been introduced to old American gangster movies and now used the voice for his new act of rebellion.

Nino didn't have the heart to tell him he sounded stupid when Adrien was clearly having fun.

Nino inwardly sighed, no matter how many times he did this he still felt all kinds of stupid.

"Yes" Nino replied in an oddly gravely rough voice that delighted Adrien. He than revealed the goods, two family sized boxes of Bagel Bites in Pepperoni and cheese. It was only slightly thawed and the box ever so slightly moist.

Adrien grins and rubs his hands in a stereotypical evil manner.

"Excellent!"

Adrien greedily grabbed his prize and handed Nino his payment. It was way more than the frozen American snacks and their shipping were worth but Adrien insisted.

Nino didn't complain too much though cause one could always use a little bit of fun money after all.


	4. LadybugShrine

The Hacking Group, D.E.S.K. (Desktop Escapades into Someone's Kookies) was out for blood.

They started with some tests on some burner accounts and were successful.

It was time to wreck some havoc on Instagram.

Everything was going great. Dirt was being dug up on all these celebrities.

Nudes. Racist Tweets. A few cheating scandals. Credit Card Numbers; even someone's billing info that had a receipt for a very infamous site, .

All of it being aired all over social media.

Their reign of terror ended though when they tried to hack Agreste Brands. They ended up not only getting the main page but also the connected Adrien Agreste one.

The group was happy to get Adrien's. A good looking young model was sure to have something juicy hidden away on his Instagram or even better on his cloud.

The only thing they found was pictures of a shrine that overtook anything else they tried to do and eventually getting caught since someone of Agreste's payroll was more competent than all of Instagram.

* * *

Adrien Agreste's brand on Instagram was flourishing, and he loved it.

Everything was going great; he just posted a selfie of the back of his head. He claimed it was about the show having a contest for the spikes at the back of his head, but he was low key feeling how he did it and he had to show it off somehow.

Compared to some others who got hacked, he got off easy. No racist tweets, no cursing, or leaking of any private information. There was no hidden bad things as Adrien was a proper gentleman.

The only thing somewhat incriminating on Adrian that embarrassed him to have revealed was some pictures of his Ladybug shrine. The hacker not only got into his Instagram, but also his Cloud where his pictures were stored. The pictures are not meant to be seen by people, and they were only taken for insurance purposes. He had some really rare and expensive ladybug items and he wanted to make sure they were insured. Also he look he just wanted to look at the shrine whenever he wanted to when he wasn't there that was neither here nor there. When the pictures of the shrine leaked he had never been more mortified.

What Adrien didn't know was that there was someone at the Ageste Mansion even more mortified that the pictures of the shrine had been leaked. Gabriel Agreste was that very person.

Why his son had such an expensive and expansive shrine to his Nemesis he'll never know. The revelation brought him so much disgrace he could barely stand it. This was such a blow to his ego he almost wished that he had ANYTHING else to be blasted on social media. A good PR team could make all things magically disappear in the public eye but the Shrine caused him mental anguish.

There was only one thing for it.

"NATHALIE!"

Yes, Nathalie would know what to do.

Adrien wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

His secret ladybug shrine was not a secret anymore. Thank goodness his Anime Shrine was on an old account or else all of Paris will see that too.

Still his embarrassment wasn't as bad as it could be.

People in real life and on social media seemed to be supporting him.

He had heard more than once that, "Everyone had ladybug shrines," and how a lot of people were envious of his vast collection.

#ladybigshrine was trending on the front page. Now full of people analyzing his shrine and what it's potential cost was. It was also full of other people's shrines, not just Ladybug, and some even to the rest of the Miraculous team. It was oddly comforting to Adrien to be so easily accepted despite his nerdiness.

Gabriel was becoming more and more unhinged

The #ladybugshrine tag was haunting him. Following him like an akuma butterfly, stalking him. Waiting.

He goes on his phone to talk to an investor. Ladybug shrine.

He turns on his TV? People talking about Adrien's Ladybug shrine and trying to out fan boy him.

He sneezes and all he sees is the blasted Ladybug shrine

Nathalie said there was nothing she could do , especially since it wasn't technically bad.

But there was!

He laughed maniacally. Nooroo was looking terrified

"Master… are you… ok ? "

"Oh yes Nooroo!" His eye twitch

"Alright master…"

Nooroo made themself scarce. Gabriel was too far gone and Nooroo was afraid. They hid back where Gabriel wouldn't involve them.

Gabriel powers up Photoshop and Google images.

If Adrien doesn't have nudes, he'll make them himself. Adrien nudes would overshadow his Ladybug shrine.

He was a genius.

* * *

A new hash tag was competing for the #ladybugshrine tag

Nino blinks when he is tagged in the new 'leaked' photos.

" …..Wow… I know Adrien is a model….But he ain't that thick."

Alya raises an eyebrow. "That warped wall though…"

"What are you guys talking about?" Adrien asked. He had just strolled into class with  
Marinette and they both had some snacks from the bakery.

"Um… dude… How do I say this… someone is photo shopping nudes of you."

Adrien choked on the muffin he was eating, crumbs spilling all over his and Nino's desk.

"Wait what?! I don't… but! It's fake I swear!" He starts to choke as Marinette panics and starts to whack his back with the force to dislodge his organs.

"Dude! Don't die on us! It's fine it's clearly fake!" He puts his finger over the rather large private area and showed him

"I have… to call Nathalie! she'll know what to do!"

"Ya gotta wait till break… Class is about to start. Send her a quick text?"

"Good idea."

* * *

Nathalie wanted to say she was a calm and aloof person. That nothing can phase her.

However she never thought in a million years when she signed up for this job that she'd have to deal with all this. Obviously fake nudes that were traced back to Gabriel and a very panicked Adrien texting her every few minutes for help.

Nathalie is rubbing her temples as all her phones are going off. This was a PR nightmare and she knew where to place the blame on.

"Damn it, Gabriel."

This was gonna be a long day.

She takes a calming breath and takes a swing from her third cup of black coffee. Her first order of business was to take Photoshop away from Gabriel.

He looked utterly deranged. To distract him she all but pushed him into his secret evil liar.

"Go terrorize Paris or something. I will not have you ruin Adrien's internet reputation with obviously fake nudes. At least try a bit harder. "

She all but locks him in the room to evilly monologue for a few hours at least .

Next she contacts some very recommended White hat hackers. She has to bring the group that started this.

There was no room for error. This group will taken care of quickly. After all, money was no object. It's not like Gabriel would notice.

It took six long days of her non stop Public relations cleaning and making sure her contractors were not slacking off did they find the six person team that made D.E.S.K.

She was going to make them pay for her suffering.


	5. Biological Warfare

Gabriel Agreste never got sick.

He was a man who took his health extremely serious. He only ate the best and healthiest foods. His vitamin routine was comprehensive and he avoided people like the plague.

People were full of disease after all, it was a scientific fact.

For years the worst he had was a small cold that he kicked in the butt with the best cold medicine Nathalie could find. It would not do if he met a business partner with a runny nose.

It would not do at all.

It was a normal spring day when it happened. The sun seemed extra bright and the birds excruciatingly loud when he groggily woke up.

His head was pounding. He let out a raspy cough and it took about three seconds for him to comprehend it when he got the biggest coughing fit he had since he was a struggling fashion student surviving on cheap ramen noodles and disgusting American instant macaroni and cheese.

He did the first thing the could think of.

He called Nathalie in the most dignified way he could muster.

It sounded like a dying animal to Nathalie's ears.

Nooroo just sits on his perch. They too felt ill but they didn't mind in the slightest. Nooroo rather feel a bit ill than have Gabriel plot and monlouge all day.

* * *

Nooroo had a look of pity on their face.

Not for Gabriel of course, but for Nathalie.

One didn't need his miraculous to see how one thousand percent DONE Nathalie was with a sick Gabriel and his dramatics. Maybe , just maybe, she would put them all out of their combined misery and make some kind of "accident" befall Gabriel.

Nooroo shook his head, that wasn't a nice thought. Despite all misgivings of Gabriel and all the abuse Gabriel put everyone around him through, No one deserved death... and Nathalie didn't deserve jail time for murder. For being accomplice to a domestic terrorist yes, for murder no. Despite it all, Nathalie still showed them some degree of kindness so Nooroo couldn't wish the worst on her.

Still, it amused them no end to see the normally composed Gabriel Agreste act like a spoiled toddler just cause he got sick.

"Thank You Tikki for infusing your holder's germs to his master. Curing Light is a great thing." Nooroo whispered as if Tikki could hear it somehow

* * *

Adrien Agreste felt sad.

Marinette was home with the flu. The class just seemed a little less lively without her there.

As he got home and walked passed his father's room he heard retching that sounded ghastly

"If I didn't know better... I'd say someone is hacking a hairball " Plagg said with unmasked glee " Gross~"

Adrien had a determined look on his face. He couldn't help his good friend Marinette but he could help his father. He had just the thing to cheer him up, A Ladybug compilation.

Gabriel had to swallow his rage. As his son tried to help him get better. Apparently that meant watching his enemy in action as they ate soup.

Ladybug was sluggish, no one could deny it as they watched the heroine.

" I will clip the Moth's wings myself if I get a hold of him. " She said in a raspy voice. She was obviously trying not to go into a coughing fit mid battle " today of all days"

The akuma itself was not doing any better.

The akuma was not sick but they could literally hear the coughing and sneezing in their head. He could hear the gross sound of snot being expelled and snorted back in.

Hawkmoth was disgusting. It was one thing to see and imagine Ladybug's coughs and sniffles from a small distance away but having it play super loud in its brain...

The akuma literally gags, he didn't sign up for this.

After the third time the akuma heard not only Hawkmoth but Ladybug give an especially wet cough it screeches

"THAT'S IT! SCREW THIS!"

The akuma literally rips out the item, throws it to the ground and stomps on it like an enraged bull.

The purple akuma came out, only barely missing the angry stomps of the victim. Like Hawkmoth himself, it was a bit pale and weakly flew away.

Ladybug runs to over and grabs it. She than smirks wickedly

"Ya know Hawkbutt! I have one consolation through all this... At least we are both sick and I have the satisfaction I took you down with me! Enjoy your sick week!"

Time to develize!" She lets out a coughing fit than said her trademark " bye bye little butterfly "

Chat helps the victim up, though the victim didn't linger, the sounds of sick bug were gross.

Chat, not fearing getting sick, goes to help his lady

"Uh my lady?... how did you get Hawkmoth sick... ? " referring to her screaming at the purified akuma

Ladybug rests her head on his shoulder and laughs a bit too hard " My Kwami told me when I purify akumas... i have to put a little bit of myself into the magic and I have been getting sick lately..."

Chat Noir laughs as he gets " ah~ I see~"

* * *

Hawkmoth stood there in his butterfly hideaway and let his transformation drop

Ladybug apparently made him sick somehow. How did she transfer her vile germs to him.. HOW?!

"My God... She is using Biological warfare on me... she is more evil than me!"

Nooroo just hides a knowing grin and flies off, satisfied in the knowledge that only they knew the truth in that whole mansion.


End file.
